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Self-Guided tour of Vault 88’s Museum

Vault 88 has a lot to offer, but perhaps the most exciting venue must be the museum. It is a pleasurable experience from start to finish (mostly).
At the entrance you will be met by a nice, laid-back clerk. His name is Art. Art! He works in the museum and his name is Art. Amazing! It’s like he was born to do this.

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This is Art, the ever vigilant museum clerk, guard and janitor.

The museum has a wide range of exhibits, some dated to be from pre-war times.
History nerds, you will not be disappointed.

Browse through this journey in history, back in time, from a pre-war america up to the present day, and maybe even a hint of where the future will take us.

The notes I took through my self-guided tour will be below (or next to, depending on your browser) the pictures, in the captions, in italic/cursive (not cursive like fuck, damn and shit, or Italic like “Eyoh, fuhgeddaboutit” but like this, with skewed letters). The notes I made through the tour are shown unedited, so I will make additional comments below them to try and make sense of it.

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Wow! I am officially out of words. It’s huge! I expected a small room with a cupboard and a shelf with Jesus crackers or something.

See? I promise, this will be great.

The museum is a sizable one, considering the space in a vault is usually very limited, but in Vault 88, extra room is not an issue. It’s ginormous.

First off, they have a message to all visitors:

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“Touch, don’t look”. What a weird thing to write in a museum.

A bit ambiguously designed. I think it’s supposed to be read down up

On to the exhibits. We’ll start with my favorite.

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An exhibit to my liking. A typical reporter’s desk.

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Pff.. What’s this? Did someone forget to wipe the whiteboard? Or have a stroke? Wait.. That means this will be worth a lot sometime. I’ve got to have it. I need it!

Art said it was not for sale. Bummer.

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This! This is art. Transition from the old to the new. Look how the lines from the broom’s handle leads from the old, serene landscape meets with the Institute sweeper before it ventures on in to the unknown, symbolized with a modern, abstract picture. Or is it the other way around? A battle between the conservative and progressive. It questions one’s own personal bias. It’s like it’s saying…. Wait, this isn’t the exhibit. It’s over there.

The janitor (Art) had tried out the Institute sweeper from the “Old vs new”-exhibit to see if it was easier to use than his old broom.

Which makes a good transition to the next display:

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I didn’t write any notes on this as I was more interested in making a good panning movement with the camera.

(Click to enlarge)

 

Here’s an exhibit showing what people used to play with in pre-war America (apart from their wangs! Haha! I’ll see myself out.)

Notice the gun and the bible at the end? Dark, man. Dark.

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“The three coercive bargaining teddies – Mr. Corruption, Dr. Intimidation and Pr. Liquidation. Often nicknamed Wine, Vinegar and Violence”. Creepy

Harmless as they appear, these were used to sway others to one’s will. The left one, as a bribe to children (and some adults, mostly symbolic). The creepy one in the middle, to invoke fear in them, if bribery didn’t work. The last one, to blow them up if all else failed.

According to Art.

More realistically, I think these are meant to be metaphors for the escalation path in human quibbling. Convince with kindness (sincere or not), terrify into submission, or force your will.

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The half-eaten, moldy food behind this futuristic chair symbolizes the decay of modern society, hidden behind a flashy facade.

Another shining analytic pearl from Art. I suspect he just wanted to cover up for not having cleaned the joint for a while.

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Evolution of the gun. “War. War never changes”. Uhm..  These guys beg to differ.

I like the twist at the bottom. Clever.

 

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The skull of a demon. According to the legend, it smiled when it got shot, knowing it would only return again to haunt it’s killer for eternity.

The museum’s curator has never seen a Brahmin skull before, apparently.

Much of the stuff in here has a grim feel to it, but then again, so is history. My apologies for stuffing it in your face though.

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All the deceased vault cats get a spot in the museum. The one to the left “departed” last week.

Another display leaning towards the macabre.

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The face of a murderer.

Speaking of leaning. That smug bastard is the longest living cat of Vault 88. Incidentally outliving 4 of the other cat. I don’t want to speculate, but you are free to do so. We are thinking of the same thing, aren’t we? Yeah, we are.

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A fire extinguisher in a class case with the text “Break in case of emergency”, next to a grand picture of a horseman. Wonder what it means. An allegory for the wish to cool down a revolution in the making or a government abusing its power?

It’s probably just an ordinary fire extinguisher. Handy if a fire were to break out.
Bitchin’ good photo though. Had to include it. Dem vivid colors. Dat strong contrast.

Powerful. Poetic.

 

Celebrities!

And now over to some famous people.

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“Bonnie Parker. Dangerous gangster and renowned movie star”. Gangster? Yes. Movie star? Nope. Swing and a miss.

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“John Hancock’s frock coat and the laser musket Thomas Jefferson gave him after the civil war. To the left, a collection of piquant literature they worked on together”. Wow, there’s just so much about this that’s waaay off. It’s as inaccurate as it gets.

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“Grognak The Barbarian. The chief of the native Americans. He helped the Englishmen settle on the shores of America”. He’s not even real. He’s from a comic book for F*cks sake.

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“The remains of Leif Erikson, the viking. The first European to discover America and tell Columbus where to sail.” He discovered America, yeah, but the rest is just another piece of taurus excretum. That’s not even a viking sword.

Okay, this museum isn’t exactly 100% accurate. I’ll give them an A for effort, despite them taking some gross creative liberties with history.

 

The Highbrow Section

Over to the more finer things. Luckily, they have a section that doesn’t rely on history as much. Let’s take a peek.

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A collection of the finest of alcohols. Nice! A bottle of vintage Amontillado. Maybe I should take a sip? Nobody would notice. Naw, just kidding. Hehe

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Enclosed in this sealed glass case, we find Vault 88’s constitution, which apparently fits on a small paper note. Next to it, a recording tape “proving and confirming” Vault 88’s mission, by the president himself.

The glass case wasn’t sealed, at all. Lol. The recording tape was just an ad for Nuka Cola.

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“The Ming vase China gave to the Overseer after being defeated by the military might of Vault 88”. Oh, come on.. It says “Made in china” on the side. Do any of the people here believe any of this?

I’ll be honest. I started to think this whole place was a scam and became a bit tired of the whole thing. Almost walked out of there, but then this popped up:

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“The Deathclaw Exhibit”. Now we’re talkin’. This is the kind of things I want to see. One of the eggs looks freshly cracked. Eerie.

Worth it!

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Incredible!  Abraxo Cleaner, toys, cigarettes, an alarm clock, and even a camera. Oooh, how I want that camera. Amazing!

Another gem in this museum is a post-apocalyptic collector’s wet dream. A display of items carefully preserved over 200 years. It’s the Overseer’s personal collection, protected with traps giving deterring shocks to anyone crossing the barrier, and those next to them, unfortunately.

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Fun fact: The boy on this can was voted 2063’s most likely to grow up a Peeping Tom.

If you are easily disturbed, skip the next part, please. Thou hathst been warned/warneth/warnedeth’d.

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Ooo! They have wax models, like Madame Tussauds. Oh… Oh-oh-oh, that may actually be a real dude. A waxed dude. WTF?! I have to tell someone about this.

Yeah, so I found a dude forced into a confined space in a very unnatural position.
At least now I know what my next article will be about. Thank you, man-in-glass-display-case!

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Cool! A do…*unreadable scribble*

On my way out, I saw a mini-death-monster, playing around with the exhibits. The cracked deathclaw egg wasn’t supposed to be cracked. A newborn mini-deathclaw was now roaming about in the museum. An adorable little thing. It’s mauling claws was not that adorable though. They are surprisingly dangerous, even at that size. Not exactly house pets. Fortunately, it was more curious than murdery.
The guards had to put it down before anyone got attached to it. Apparently people get attached to the strangest things in a vault.

And with that, we have a natural end to the self-guided tour. This is not a museum you want to bring your kids to for a history lesson, but purely entertainment-wise, it’s a good way to kill some time.

What happens is taught in the vault , stays in the vault, hopefully.


Click here to read the next article in the series, Suspected homicide in Vault 88

or
Click here
to read the previous article in the series.

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About Reckless Reporter (144 Articles)
This be the one and only reporter/journalist/daredevil for Game Cosmos Press

6 Comments on Self-Guided tour of Vault 88’s Museum

  1. What an interesting trip! Can’t wait to hear what you uncover about the very uncomfortable man… And too bad about the little death monster. He looks like he’d be a fitting pet in a post-apocalyptic word, if he was going to stay that small, at least!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is a very interesting concept. I felt as if I were on a 4th grade trip to the museum. Quite fascinating indeed!
    -Luna

    Liked by 1 person

  3. If only someone could fus-ro-dah in that museum… Good setup though. Impressive.

    Liked by 1 person

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