Today you’ll get to know a guy who has a good grip on life. He works as an angler and is best known as The Master Baiter. He is called that because he is one of the few who know how to use it properly, master bait that is.
In this day and age with all the technological gadgets, it’s always refreshing to see someone doing it the old fashioned way.
Finding the guy that minds his own business wasn’t easy. It’s not like there were any honking horns to lead the way.
I looked far and wide, ready to shoot my own foot out of frustration, but after a long and hard search I finally found his cabin, hidden behind a tree line on a secluded beach.
From here on, Master Baiter will be abbreviated to MB, and I will be RR, for convenience.
MB: Hi there! You really snuck up on me. I was just shining my pole.
RR: Hello there! I’m a reporter. In return for a story, I’ll give you a hand. Does that sound ok?
MB: Sure thing! As long as you pull your own weight.
RR: I’m usually flying solo, so I’m used to handling it on my own. Just cleaned my rifle too. Never know when someone’s coming.
MB: Cool! As long as we do it my way. I just fired my apprentice for rubbing me the wrong way. Constantly did the hand jive.
RR: Well, you only exercised your right.
MB: Enough chit chat. Let’s squeeze the juice and beat the meat. We’ll need to pack the lunch for the sailing.
MB: I recommend slapping some salami on that bread. And sling some jelly on top. It gets dry without. Don’t shake it too much. The flavours will get out.
RR: Totally agree. Not gonna shake your sausage.
MB: Now, let me just jack open this tin can.
(the can bursts open, making a mess)
MB: Whoops! Well, no use standing here painting the ceiling. Let’s go do some fly fishing.
MB: You wring out the rope while I clear my snorkel.
RR: Should I twist the end, sir? And whip it dry?
MB: Yeah, whip it real good.
RR: Hah! I’m just like a real seaman.
MB: Rowing is a great way to build upper body strength.
RR: Yeah, I feel it. My arms are getting sore already.
(We rowed for a while. He talked mostly about how he loved the master bait)
MB: We are at a good spot now. You can yank the plank.
MB: The oars. Now, I got two master bait. You want to try?
RR: Sure! Mind if I take a few practice shots with the regular first?
MB: No problem. Feel your way around the sack. There should be something in the front.
RR: There we go. Is this any good?
MB: Yes, that will do. Hook it, twist your crank and shoot for the moon!
RR: What should we do while we’re waiting?
MB: You can eat the packed lunch. I’m stuffed. Meanwhile, I’ll play my one-stringed harp.
MB: Actually, I’m getting a bit hungry too. Do you mind peeling the banana for me? Shake the sauce first. Put some caramel sauce on it
RR: No problem. I’ll just have to squeeze the cheese out of this tube first. What should I do with the leftovers?
MB: Feed the ducks.
RR: Seems like our hands are free for a moment. So, what’s your story?
MB: I was an undercover agent for the navy. A real man’s job. You know, secret handshake and shady activities. But I got tired of saluting the General and shifted gears. Now I’m a one man band, discovering my own potential through handiwork and manual labor.
RR: I say, being your own best friend and doing the job yourself is guaranteed to reward you more often.
Speaking of rewarding, do you often fish with dynamites?
MB: Oh, no, I let one go in the ocean once. The local fishing inspector got ready to make instant pudding out of me.
RR: Speaking of trouble, I felt a twitch.
MB: Give it a tug!
RR: Tugging. Tugging! There we go. What a catch!
MB: Slam the salmon.
RR: Yuk! The eye popped.
MB: I don’t think he’ll be seeing anyone anytime soon. Oh, looks like you have a hook in your palm.
RR: There. It’s out.
MB: Grease the gash with this homemade cream. No point waiting around. Let out another one.
MB: Whoa! That’s a big one.
RR: Flog the dolphin!
MB: That ain’t no free Willy.
RR: Willy wasn’t a dolphin.
MB: Neither is this one. Tis’ be a shark. We’ll have to drain the monster. Hold my pole with me!
RR: It’s horn blew off.
MB: It’s called a fin, but yeah, it fell off. Hilarious.
MB: Let’s head home. Time to work our arms again. You take the left and I’ll use the right one.
RR: I’ll make sure we keep the rhythm. Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!
MB: I don’t think this is getting us anywhere. Not to pull your leg, but I’ll take matters into my own hands.
(The trip back took twice as long as the way out, but polishing the pearl helped pass the time)
MB: I forgot to lock up the snake, and there’s a beaver coming for it. Run!
RR: I’ll beat the beaver!
MB: Great! Damnit.. Today of all days. The fishing inspector is here.
RR: Should we try tipping off the inspector?
MB: That will liquidate my inventory. Let’s try some underhanded methods first.
Fishing inspector: Okay, people. It’s best if you just let the cat out of the bag. What’s the haul?
MB: You’re barking up the wrong tree.
Fishing inspector: I’d hate to pull rank on you here, but we will have to work something out. Wink wink.
MB: I’m just tending to my own affairs. Now, I believe you’re invading my private property. Beat it!
RR: Punch the clown!
MB: Bang! I made the bald man cry. Well, as you see, working at your own speed won’t do you no good out here. Here you got to work like you’re waking the dead. Else you’re walking the plank.
RR: Finally. Meal time!
MB: I have this great recipe i learned in the navy
- Pound the flounder
- Pull the salmon’s skin and stroke it to rub out the kaviar.
- Whip up a batch of cream.
- Wash the meat
- And finally, ram the ham
RR: A meal fit for kings. I’ll unload my gun, so we don’t have any accidents.
MB: Good thinking. You don’t want that going off prematurely.
RR: This sure beats working late at the office.
MB: Speaking of which. Do you need a place to stay?
RR: I’ve got to get home to the missus and hit the sack so as not to rub her the wrong way.
MB: I know what you mean. Have a good one. Bye!