Most of you have probably heard a story of someone building a way to heaven in some form or another. Notable examples are Babylon’s tower, South Park, and Jack with the weird beans. Tales like these originated because people didn’t know what was up there and wanted to check it out, with varying motives.
A while ago I followed up on a tip where a guy wanted to build a ladder to heaven of sorts. Back then it was just a few chairs stacked on top of each other, not much to write about, so I discarded the whole story. Now, on the other hand, it’s an entirely different story.
It was hard to miss the giant tower of furniture rising to the skies. It looked like the guy had finally made it, or at least made a decent try.
Reckless Reporter is abbreviated to RR.
RR: Ho, there! Long time, no see. What are you doing up there a night in this rain? It’s slippery too.
Buider: I gots no time to waste. Gotta git up in dem heavens and give that God-feller a piece of my mind.
RR: Any particular motivation for this endeavor?
Buider: He don got m’friend a while back, you see, when a jetpack wouldn’t stop jetting, so to speak. A shortcut to the heavens you might call it. He flew up in dem skies and never got back. I don prayin’ ‘n prayin’ to no help, so I figured I go visit’im m’self.
RR: Well, guess I’m coming with you. YOLO!
RR: Nevermind. Should I bring a chair? Hehe.
Builder: Yes. We need a couple more.
RR: Oh, I was just… OK, sure.
Climbing the massive structure took a while. Night turned into day as we had come about halfway up the tower of chairs and tables.
He found out midway that chairs were more efficient.
Builder: They’re lots easier to carry, material efficient and glue together nicely.
RR: This is glued together!?
Carrying a chair while climbing wet pieces of wood glued together. Safety was no concern. For him.
I helped him get the last few chairs in place. He took the first steps on the heavenly clouds.
RR: Looks promising and worth the work, huh?
He stood still for a moment.
Builder: What the hell?
Builder: This is it? The hell have I been praying for? Gosh darn it!
Builder: All that work. All the things I had to do to get that furniture.
RR: Well, look at it this way – it distracted you from the loss of your friend, and it’s one hell of a way to get in shape.
Builder: You may be right, but I gotta get to returnin’ a bunch a chairs, so if you don’t mind.
RR: Sure. I’ll get out of your hair. Or more like chair, right? I’ll find my way down. Bye.
That was the end. For him. Sadly. His last words:
Now, who’s this feller?