What happens in Helgen…


On my way to cover the annual Honningbrew tasting in Whiterun, I got sidetracked by a curve ball of a story.

A couple of horse carriages with escorting cavalry rolled past me, just when I was heeding the call of nature behind a snowberry-bush.

See a cortege escorted by armed personnel? Drop whatever’s in your hands and follow them.

– The golden rule of reporting

Of course I had to pursue this.

skyrim horse and carriage passing by.png

They were headed for Helgen, a lush, inviting town.
My expectations were high. Was it a medal ceremony? Perhaps a fancy grill party? A roast? Or a showcase of the Stormcloaks new cloaks?

skyrim approacing helgen.png

Representatives from both the Imperial Legion and the Thalmor attended the event.

skyrim altmer and imperial meeting.png

A bit strained atmosphere between these two though.

A gentleman named Gunnar informed me that “it was certainly not a merry cross-country carriage tour”, but an execution.
The chains and handcuffs would have made it evident these guys were prisoners, if I had just bothered to look at the clues, like a reporter should, instead of prancing along with the horse.

Again, a reminder that I need to pay closer attention to the details.


Gunnar Stone-Eye, mostly mumbled some incoherent conspiracy crap.

In the town square, a more dramatic scene than I had pictured, was unfolding.

Grim stuff.

skyrim turns out it was an execution.png

skyrim this guy kept staring at me.png

This guy kept staring at me.

One of the prisoners did not want to see the show to its end and tried fleeing the scene.

skyrim this guy tried to run away.png

“How about YOU run with an arrow in your ankle!”

It didn’t go so well. His adventuring days were definitely over.

During the ruckus, I positioned myself at a vantage point in hope of getting some great pics.

skyrim tried another camera angle.png

“No lollygagging!”

My flash went off, which of course placed all attention on me. I forgot that none of them had ever seen a camera before, no less on a carbon fiber extension pole.

A bit of ingenious negotiation got me out of a tough spot and landed me a good one, right next to the action.

skyrim lets get the show on the road.png

The executioner was really nice. He let me try out the chopping block and get some shots from the to-be-beheaded’s point of view.

And with that, I bought the next in line some time. Looking back, probably not a nice thing to do to someone on death row.

I didn’t see it when taking it (too focused on the B.B.B. – Badass Butcher Bozo), but look at the pic below. Find one problem with it.

skyrim wanted to try the chopping block.png

skyrim yuo thats a dragon.png

A dragon. A fudgekin dragon!

Chaos ensued.

At that very moment, my life flashed in review as I got ready to face the afterlife, the unknown. For the first time in my life, I faced danger with nerves of the toughest steel.

Naw, I panicked, cried and shouted something along these lines:


skyrim my queue to gtfo.png


Here, he (or she?) wanted to display his not-exactly-subtle shouting capabilities.

Spoiler: Really, really loud. Ruptured my left ear-drum.

The vain prick stole my camera to take a selfie and document his carnage. Apparently, ancient lizards know how to work a DSLR.

skyrim alduin not happy.png

He didn’t appreciate me reclaiming my camera, but I didn’t bring an extra, so I had to do what I had to do.

skyrim - yeah arrows will totally take down a dragon.png

Yeah, arrows will totally take down a dragon. Keep it up, sport!

I felt no obligation to risk burning to a crisp, and someone had to bring this story to the public, so I made a tactical retreat.

skyrim leaving helgen.png

Can a lump of charcoal report on current events? No. So I made the right decision. Definitely. No doubt.

Okay, the guilt of leaving them to fend off a dragon eats me up inside, but nevermind that. What’s done is done. Look! Here’s a bunny heeding the call of nature:


2 thoughts on “What happens in Helgen…

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