Residents Of Vault 88 – Subject 7/16 – Alastair


Near the vault entrance, the huge vault door, a clunky armored dude makes sure no undesirables gets in. He’s a bro, a broster’s bro.

Meet Alastair.

Name: Alastair / “A”
Occupation: Vault door guard


A: Halt! Who goes there?! Nah, just kidding, bro! You’re cool. I remember you from screening. Badass reporter-dude.

RR: Hah, thanks. Never got to thank you for plowing down those raiders when I got here.

A: No prob, broseph. I’m “A”, A.K.A. “Front line defender of the free world”.

RR: Like Italian “Eeey”?

A: Totally. Alastair is too long. My bro Brandon got superstoked when I chugged a bottle of ale in like 4 seconds and he started calling me Ale. Another time and a ton more brewskies, Brandon and me checked out this totally awesome chick Coco, and all I could say, too wasted right, was “I’m Eeyy”. Nailed her.

Coco: (yelling) No you didn’t, frat boy! Paperman, do not write that down!

A: (in a low voice) Totally did though. “A” for numero uno.

RR: Right on.

A: Overseer digs me too. Too old though. Ell-oh-ell. She’s more like a mom to me. Placed 3 turrets here to make sure the joint stays safe when I’m gettin’ some Z’s. Three turrets, dude! I’m that great.

RR: Do you get many intruders here?

A: The door opens from time to time. Raiders hack the door’s, I think. Sometimes a super mutant party gets to try its luck against my minigun, Melissa, and I’m like “brrrattatatata”.

(Vault door alarm sounds)

RR: Speaking of the devil… Think it’s time I pull back. Thanks, and good luck!

A: No luck needed. Alastair über alles! Hail to the king, baby! Eat shit and die, bitches!

Notes: If this guy isn’t a red flag, then I don’t know what is.


Someone should really keep an eye on that guy. I hope the Overseer knows what she’s doing letting him carry “Melissa” around.

Residents of vault 88 - Back to prelude

Click here for the previous article in the series, before the interviews.

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