Phresh Pheed

Residents Of Vault 88 – Subject 7/16 – Alastair


Near the vault entrance, the huge vault door, a clunky armored dude makes sure no undesirables gets in. He’s a bro, a broster’s bro.

Meet Alastair.

Name: Alastair / “A”
Occupation: Vault door guard


A: Halt! Who goes there?! Nah, just kidding, bro! You’re cool. I remember you from screening. Badass reporter-dude.

RR: Hah, thanks. Never got to thank you for plowing down those raiders when I got here.

A: No prob, broseph. I’m “A”, A.K.A. “Front line defender of the free world”.

RR: Like Italian “Eeey”?

A: Totally. Alastair is too long. My bro Brandon got superstoked when I chugged a bottle of ale in like 4 seconds and he started calling me Ale. Another time and a ton more brewskies, Brandon and me checked out this totally awesome chick Coco, and all I could say, too wasted right, was “I’m Eeyy”. Nailed her.

Coco: (yelling) No you didn’t, frat boy! Paperman, do not write that down!

A: (in a low voice) Totally did though. “A” for numero uno.

RR: Right on.

A: Overseer digs me too. Too old though. Ell-oh-ell. She’s more like a mom to me. Placed 3 turrets here to make sure the joint stays safe when I’m gettin’ some Z’s. Three turrets, dude! I’m that great.

RR: Do you get many intruders here?

A: The door opens from time to time. Raiders hack the door’s, I think. Sometimes a super mutant party gets to try its luck against my minigun, Melissa, and I’m like “brrrattatatata”.

(Vault door alarm sounds)

RR: Speaking of the devil… Think it’s time I pull back. Thanks, and good luck!

A: No luck needed. Alastair über alles! Hail to the king, baby! Eat shit and die, bitches!

Notes: If this guy isn’t a red flag, then I don’t know what is.


Someone should really keep an eye on that guy. I hope the Overseer knows what she’s doing letting him carry “Melissa” around.

Click here for the previous article in the series, before the interviews.

About Reckless Reporter (154 Articles)
This be the one and only reporter/journalist/daredevil for Game Cosmos Press Visit

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