Seriously, I did not approach this guy. If it was up to me, this interview would not exist.
Ostentatious. Obtrusive. Vainglorious.
Occupation: Vault Evangelist / Narcissist
Kane: Hey! You there! Haven’t seen you here before. Have you heard about the great Overseer and her vault?
RR: Standing in it.
Kane: Great! Have you ever felt the warm embrace of Vault 88?
RR: Now that you mention it, the steel plates are actually a bit cold. Hah. You know, I’m a bit busy, so if –
Kane: Of course you’ve heard of us, but have you really felt the glory and glowing embrace of Vault 88?
RR: Uhm… I’m actually a bit tired. How ’bout we take this another time?
Kane: Kick back and rap with me for a sec.
(This guy did not give up, so I figured I’d try and turn things around, and interview him)
RR: I’m a reporter, so how about I ask you some questions about how you make this vault a better place?
Kane: But yes, of course. What a magnificent idea! I inspire people, and teach them to live a good life by following the superior morals and guidelines of this perfect utopia.
RR: Aren’t you sugar-coating it a bit right now?
(He started singing)
Kane: Sugar in the mooorning! Aren’t YOU thankful each and every day you get to eat, sleep, behave and repeat?
RR: You’re avoiding my question. How –
Kane: The hat perfectly symbolizes us. Pride. Power. Order. Hard Working. Greatness, all in one structured package.
(The guy just kept talking and talking)
Kane: My dedication to the cause gives me free passes on certain things. Certain pleasures. A few times a month, I tease Cook, the chef, and get all the leftovers.
RR: Mhm. Go on. Really interesting. Uh-huh.
(“Inspired” by his words I walked over to the cafeteria to get a bite to eat. He pranced along, not far behind, talking and singing.)
Kane: I lied. I do it every day. Yum-yum! The food is just sooo good. Exquisite! It’s my one guilty pleasure.
(This went on and on and on, until the Overseer called him over the intercom).
Overseer Valery: Kane, stop disturbing the nice reporter and report to me. Please.
Kane: Oh, goodie! Another chance to please the supreme. Hey, you –
(The never-ending propaganda machine wanted me to take another photo before he left. This time of his “even better side”)
Ugh. Going through my notes and writing them down here, reliving this horrible interview… Not sure if it was worth it.
By the next interview I hope you will regain some level of trust with me. I’m ashamed to call myself a reporter right now.
Click here for the previous article in the series, before the interviews.